


Who am I?

by KathakDancer



Series: How long is forever, Asra? [1]
Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/M, Light Angst, Male Pronouns for Asra (The Arcana), POV Character of Color
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-02 16:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17267786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KathakDancer/pseuds/KathakDancer
Summary: "You loved Julian."Asra doesn't meet your gaze, staring at the counter."You left him."It didn't matter to you that they were good friends now. That their past was buried. It mattered that you knew how long Asra meant to love you for.--The Apprentice and Asra love each other, but who is the Apprentice to Asra? A temporary lover, like Julian? Insecurity begins to surface as the Apprentice tries to figure out how much Asra cares for her.





	Who am I?

You brushed into the Rowdy Raven, pulling the hood of your cloak down and looking around. You had been meaning to visit the good Doctor Julian, and you had finally caught a break. You sighed, about to take a second pass of the room when someone grabbed your arm, spinning you around. 

"Ilya!" you laughed, looking up at the pale man.

"You got out! That witch has been hiding you," he teased, letting you go and gesturing to a table. 

"I've been helping Nadia lately, actually," you corrected with a grin, unclasping your cloak and draping it over a chair, plopping down as Julian went to get drinks. 

He returned with two drinks, setting them down before settling into the other chair, dramatically flipping his hair out of his eye and picking up the drink.

"So, what has Nadia been having you do?" he asked. With it, the two of you fell into easy conversation. It had been weeks since you had last spoken and plenty of happened in that time. You learned he had landed a new role in the community theater - a sexy blonde with a sinister reputation. 

"I could use some lessons from you," he commented, taking a sip of his drink.

You snorted, some of your drink sliding down your windpipe. You started coughing and laughing, the doctor watching you with mirth and concern. "Of what? A sinister woman?" you choked out.

"No, a sexy woman. I know how to be a sexy man," he winked, "but not a woman."

You rolled your eyes and set your drink down. "I'm hardly sexy, Ilya."

Ilya leaned towards you, "You snagged our favorite magician. I would say some of that is because you are sexy." You smiled faintly, taking a slow sip of drink. Julian picked up your change of mood and smiled conspiratorily. "How is life with Asra? Are the two of you happy?"

You nodded, swallowing. "We haven't been able to spend a lot of time together recently. I miss him. He actually came back from a journey yesterday."

Julian raised an eyebrow. "Another one?"

You shrugged, taking a drink. Ilya's expression settled into a slightly disapproving look. "I would think he would hate leaving you alone. Then again... I didn't know him as well as I thought I did."

A frown settled on your face. The thought had occurred to you, but you chalked it up to old habits. You two sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. As you sat, thinking about Julian and Asra, questions and some insecurities swam up, nagging. The concern must have shown on your face, because Ilya reached out a hand and placed it on your arm, soothing you. When you looked at him, he gave you a half smile and nodded, encouraging you. You took a deep breath before saying quietly, "Julian... Can I ask you something about Asra?"

"Anything, my dear," Ilya leaned forward, face open.

"When you and Asra were together, did you think it would last?"

Julian smiled slightly and sat back. "I didn't think it would. Asra has always had a touch of wanderlust. I didn't expect him to stay."

You swallowed, looking at the table, steeling your nerves. "Should I expect Asra and I to last?" 

A thoughtful expression settled over Julian's features. "Sweetheart, I have learned not to wait around for Asra. However, he was different with me and we left that past a memory. The way he is with you... Well, I've never seen him so devoted."

You nodded, smiling softly before turning the conversation to other things, nerves not quite settled. You resolved to take it up with Asra later, but for now, the doctor had a story or two to tell you about his pirate days.

\--

You stepped inside the shop, hanging your cloak up. 

"Welcome home!" you heard from behind you. You turned to see Asra, the golden skinned man standing at the counter with a few jars and a mortar and pestle.

"I thought you were going to bed," you said, walking up to him.

"I wanted to see you get home," he replied, setting the mortar down. "I was worried."

He took one of your bronze hands in his, gently tracing over your knuckles. You leaned against the counter, watching how softly he handled you. His eyes drifted up your arm, across your exposed collarbone, up your neck where your hair, dark like shadows, fell in soft waves. He lifted his other hand, catching some tresses and letting them slide through his fingers. He seemed mesmerized, and you could feel his adoration in his every movement. 

But the faint doubts you had curled in your mind and you decided to put them to rest.

"Asra, what are we?" you asked bluntly, wincing at the lack of tact.

Asra looked up to meet your gaze, hand dropping from your hair. "Wh... Why do you ask that?"

You frowned at the response, Asra straightening. "I want to know what I am to you," you said slowly. 

Asra looked away from you, looking at the shelves behind the counter. "Did Ilya say something?" His voice was tight, an edge of worry to it.

You shook your head, "Just a question I had for you."

Asra looked at the counter, looking worried. "Is my reputation that flighty?" he asked softly, almost to himself. You stepped closer.

"You loved Julian."

Asra didn't meet your gaze, staring at the counter.

"You left him."

It didn't matter to you that they were good friends now. That their past was buried. It mattered that you knew how long Asra meant to love you for. 

"Asra...," you closed the gap and put your hand under his chin, forcing him to look up. "Ilya said you were devoted to me. But I need to hear it from you. Who am I?"

Asra's chin trembled and you saw fear in his eyes. Fear of himself. Fear of losing you. Fear that you would not believe what he would say. His voice came out low and shaky, "You're my love."

You tilted your head, hand gentle. "How long do you want me to be your love for?"

Asra took your wrist and leaned his head to your hand. "Forever. I want you here forever."

You stood still, feeling your heart beat and knowing Asra's beat the same. "Asra, don't make promises you can't keep. If you can't love me forever, that's fine, just tell me how long you can love me for."

Asra moved, pressing his forehead to yours, eyes desperate. "I can love you until my heart stops beating, and when it beats again, I will still love you."

You believed him. You felt in your heart, in the magic that passed through his hands, that he loved you more deeply than anyone he had loved before. You nodded, smiling. "Then I will be here forever." 

Asra teared up in sheer relief, pressing a kiss to your forehead and murmuring, "You are my heart." 

You leaned into his embrace, closing your eyes and whispering, "I know. I love you."

He laughed against your skin and said words he had never said to another person. "I love you."

You stayed there for a long time before he pulled back, leaning down to be eye level with you. His eyes were so bright, their tanzanite hue piercing. "Be my lover." He dropped to his knees, looking up at you like you were his goddess. "Let me call you mine."

You smoothed a hand over his cheek, replying, "Only if I can call you mine."

He grinned, breathless. "Yours, forever. I gave you my heart long ago."

You laughed, leaning down and pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Then, I'm yours."

**Author's Note:**

> I've used he/him for Asra because those are canon-compliant pronouns approved by Nix Hydra. If you'd like me to write other fics using they/them pronouns, please let me know!
> 
> If you have ideas for other fics, leave a comment!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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